WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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