Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
