ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
