There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize