just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
