I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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