how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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