Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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