You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
