how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
not ubering you a puppy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
