you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
