at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
