You're completely useless in the revolution.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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