Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
