five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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