I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
