I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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