Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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