Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
