i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
