What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
