Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
