my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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