he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
