is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
