i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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