Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
