your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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