I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
