Don't you send me to vm
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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