I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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