I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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