I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
