bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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