Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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