No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize