covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
