Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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