wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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