True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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