dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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