did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
