Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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