drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
