We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
