My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
