so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
