New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ok first of all what the fuck
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
