Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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