You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
