Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize