Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
