I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
