So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
