I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
