I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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