Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize