Pants 0. Shit 1.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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