Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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