were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
