you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
