Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
