i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
