"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
