The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
