I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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