Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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