Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
