When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
