how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
