He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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