Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
