I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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