All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
