i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
