I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
