I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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