his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
