So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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