I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
