woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
