My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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