Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
