ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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