P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
