after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
