When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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