if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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