dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
