I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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