i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
