We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Your dad touched me again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
