I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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