I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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