3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize