'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
