i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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